Food is Love

Unexpectedly my usually very vibrant and active mother in her mid seventies complained of feeling fatigued. After doctor visits and trips to the emergency room she was diagnosed with a rare type of lung cancer and within a matter of less than a month she left our presence for another world.

That's where the food part comes in. When someone dies people bring food. Lots of food. Homemade food and store bought food. It becomes a way of showing love...something people can do to help when they know nothing else to do. After all, even when your grieving you gotta eat.

My mother loved food. My whole family loves food. My niece mentioned that she thought we were one of the only families she knows that the first question we all want to know is, "What'dya eat?"

So what did we eat...
Ham we have eaten lots of ham... I think we've had four hams.
Macaroni and Cheese, lots of pasta...lasagna,spaghetti, pasta salad
Casseroles...chicken casseroles, corn casserole, green bean casserole, potato casserole
Deli meats, chips, sodas, gallons of tea and lemonade
Bread, rolls, cornbread
Pound cake, apple cake, cookies, jello salads

Now, for those that read this blog I'd like to add a disclaimer that when food is made out of love, bought out of love, brought out of love...it takes on a special healing quality. It changes. All of the qualities that I normally would have disdain for...factory farmed meat, genetically modified ingredients, high fructose corn syrup...disappear out of gratitude for the love in the food.

Love that has replaced those negative qualities with a healing energy because the intent behind the food is love, pure and simple. Losing a parent is practically a Universal experience. If you haven't gone through it yet, most likely you will. So for those who have lost someone close whether it be a child, a parent, a spouse or other loved one we understand the paradigm of food is love.

After all it is life sustaining, food. It provides us with our most basic need and I am so grateful to all of the beautiful people who showed us this kind of love. You fed not only our bodies but our souls as well.
And your presence as you filled our home with smells, tastes and textures of your expession of that love. With hugs, smiles and tears and prayers that kept us going through this time in our lives that came all too soon and unexpectedly.

My Mama loved food. Her deep south upbringing required it. Her Mama loved her and all of us with food too. With heaping tables of fried chicken, butter beans, buttermilk cornbread, slaw, collard greens, apple salad, broccoli casserole, crowder peas, jello salad and sugary sweet iced tea.

Food is love...thank you Laura, Jamie, Jackie, Donna, Tracy, Ric, Melba, Mark, Warren, Belinda, Gail, Jessica, Barbara & Mary. Thank you for taking the time to make, bake, buy, bring and love our family through this loss with food.

Sisters....

This week and the past few weeks have been a time of sisterhood for me. Not just with my biological sister who I love deeply and profoundly but sisters who I have known for many years and some newly rediscovered sisters. Sisters that may look or even sound different than me but my sisters none the less.

One sister who has been my sister since we were 11 years old has brought a new soul into this world. A tiny baby, a new life, a million possibilities. Another sister who is watching her child, her beautiful vibrant young daughter who she birthed into this world transition into another world. Joy...Pain. Connection...Separation. Smiles...tears. My own heart burst with joy for one and breaks for the other. One sister a part of my life since before I knew what it was to be a woman, mother and even a lover. Before I understood concepts like life and death and God and the true meaning of love. The other a newer sister, surprisingly enough, one who our original connection began on the internet. Who our connection began with our mutual desire to bring more light into the world through our spirits.

I celebrate the life of her daughter of whom she was so proud. I celebrate her daughter's light and acknowledge that what we perceive as physical death is merely a transition of spirit. My sister and I know these truths and together this will help in the healing days to come. My other sister with the new life that she always wanted but after forty thought that perhaps her chances for becoming a mother where through cuddles and coos over this baby and all of the mysteries that accompany new motherhood.

Then there is my former sister-in-law who I have been staying with this week. My brother's former wife who will always be my sister. My children's aunt and the mother of my nephews. This sister who experiences the struggles of single parenthood but loves her children fiercely and wants the best for them. This sister who opens her home to my children and I who cooks for us and watches my children so I can go and be with the new mother and the grieving mother. She too is my sister.

I have two new sisters whom I connected with via another through the internet and I watch as they come into my circle of influence and comfort that we as sisters give one another. Over the past year or so I have reconnected with a sister, I had lost...a sister who was my roommate. Now as we sit and chat while our children form their own bonds with one another and make friendships that we hope will last their lifetimes. She too is my sister.

As I write this I realize how many sisters I have...so many on so many different levels. The beautiful young women who worked in my bakery while in college and  now are my sisters. Growing up, getting married, becoming mothers. I am so full of love and appreciation for all of these incredible woman to who I rely on for support and who I try to support in my own way. I honor you all...my sisters for your inner beauty, your strength, your resilience, your inner light and the unconditional love that you give me. It is through our ability to love one another, to acknowledge our differences and our commonalities to interconnect ourselves in ways that assist us on our paths. I am laughing thinking about when the words,"So many men, so little time." might have passed through my lips. Now I'm thinking, "So many sisters, so little time." would be something I would say instead. Through our experiences we laugh, we cry, we celebrate, we talk, we hug, we keep in our hearts the sacred space of sisterhood that has no beginning and no end. It is birthless, deathless these bonds we form perhaps in a place before we knew this place. Like we were always together.
Always...sisters.